Jaded

 

“Say hi to Jade for me.” That’s what I said as she walked out.

I didn't know what else to say. You know how Americans assume that all Africans know each other like oh you’re from Nairobi? My friend Vusi is from Jo’burg do you know him? Well, that's how I did it. But they were from this big organization with departments and offices and heads of God-knows-what (well, I am just guessing things here because all my life I have worked in small organizations without a really pronounced structure… you understand my ignorance right?) So chances are she had never met Jade but you know Josh isn't privy to such, he also doesn’t care and mostly he didn't know what else to say; basically that's Josh for you. I don’t know how to act when put on the spot. You'd, let’s say, tell me ‘hey Josh you really look nice’ and I'd be confused like ‘umm, happy birthday?’ Anyway at least I knew Jade and I could send some salamz to her so on this one I was prepared.

Now, I expected it to end there, at least it did on my end. But you know women, they'll remember the minutest of things. Heck I didn’t even expect her to take the greetings it was just a formality you know? Like the way you meet your neighbours in town and they tell you to greet your parents when you get back home and never do it kind of thing? I know it’s not just me.

So she comes again. Ann! Ann is her name. I had to ask a colleague coz my memory is 1kb. “Hi Josh. We brought you some cake, has Jade ever?” she teased. “Has she even been here since the year started? can your Jade even?” I knew this would never end. “Oh, btw I didn't see her but I still have your greetings here. And the way you were here bugging me… talmbout SaY hI tO jAdE” she mimics. i had set myself up ladies and gentlemen and for as long as I shall be working in this organization and Ann shall be visiting, it will be a constant reminder of my long mouth.

So Jade, this is my passionate appeal to you. I know that you and I just like Simi and Ladipoe don't know each other that well but now we have to. It’s not like Ann will stop and I was never born a loser. We must win this fight. We must prove to her that we send each other salamz through other people like in the 90’s even after phones came. We have to show Ann that we are whatever image she has in her head. Simply put, I have to save face. I have to do something otherwise your name will forever be rubbed on my face every time Ann visits. It's a war I declared; a fire I started and you have to help me put it out. You, Jade are the heroine in this war, my saviour, my messiah. So please, I hope you get to see this.