I Am Sorry But,

 

I was in this group meeting the other day and a very interesting conversation struck out between me and the guy seated next to me. We joked about how men apologize and slowly the discussion gravitated towards a serious issue in society, the question of backhanded apologies.

We realized how, in many instances, we have been on the other side offering these so called apologies. Have you ever found yourself using statements like;

 ‘I am sorry but..’

 ‘I am sorry if ...’

 ‘I know I wronged you’

 ‘I am sorry you feel this way’

All these statements sound good but in reality they do not communicate the message as clearly as we think, intend or hope they do.

They are manipulative if you actually look at them closely and and a form of gas lighting, heck you could even say it borders emotional abuse. It is a subtle way of disowning liability. I am sure we have all come across such whether it was emanating from or directed at us.

So what should a genuine apology look like? I will list a few examples that we can start using and practicing.

·         I am sorry I did ABC.

·         I am sorry I hurt your feelings.

·         I am sorry I did not listen to you.

And most importantly, the best apology is behavior change, committing to never, in the future, repeat whatever it is that you did.

Yes we are not perfect, but we can always make improvements to be better humans. I started mine today, I hope that when you read this you will too.