Distortion

 

There are moments we feel alienated from God, times when we lose that connection with the divine and though we know that He promised that He would always be here it doesn’t really feel like it. Whether pushed by sin or life, we have found ourselves in that darkness at one point (at least I know I have).

Sometimes in these moments we feel like giving up. We get to the point Hagar got when she was chased away from home by Abraham. It so happened that when she ran out of food and water and couldn’t feed her son, she put the child a distance away so that she would not see him die. It is a heartbreaking story imagining the pain of a mother getting to that point.

And just like Hagar we all have children: dreams, families, careers,... name them. We carry these with us in this wilderness called life and as sure as death, there will be moments we will run out of supplies for them. It is at these moments of darkness we feel like letting go. ‘What good is it anyway?’ ‘Nobody cares.’ ‘Was it even my thing?’ All these thoughts run through our minds, and rightly so.

I always say that it is okay to feel disappointed, heartbroken, despair and all manner of feelings. It is human. Denying them would be like the proverbial ostrich burying its head in the sand. We cannot  avoid the feelings but all I know is that admitting that they are just but feelings, is enough. Admit to yourself that this is the way I feel but that does not make it my reality. Feelings do not equal reality. Yes, I feel bad I messed up, yes I feel like a failure, yes I feel like a burden to them, yes I feel like an idiot…. all these are legitimate feelings but they in no way represent our realities. Allow yourself to feel them but do not let them define you because what we give power to, will eventually have power over us.

So what do I do? Admit the reality and cancel the lie. Yes, I messed up but that does not mean I am a bad person. Yes, I did a mistake but that does not make me a failure. Yes, I handled that relationship poorly but that does not mean I am poor at relationships. Affirm yourself and remind yourself of the promises of God. It is also important to use this opportunity to do some introspection and see what we need to change or improve about ourselves so that we do not end up in similar situations in the future.

Ps, I hope you do not take this out of context and use it as an excuse for your dysfunctions.